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Turning Over New Leaf

Monday, April 4, 2011

Envenom 6 - Tablets or Capsules




Envenom 6 - Tablets or Capsules


Those who know me know I am not big on medicine. I do not even take aspirins. I would have to have pneumonia before I would pop an antibiotic. However, since I was home quite a bit this week, I had the pleasure of watching television more often than usual, which is almost never. I did notice an abnormal number of advertisements for various medications, and I immediately thought I would share something with my blogging friends.

I hope you are all taking the new miracle drug, Envenom 6. It comes in tablet or capsule form, and you get to take only one pill per day.

This new drug, which is now FDA tested and approved cures everything. No more headaches. Hemorrhoids are a thing of the past. Even broken bones can heal within two days. Suffer from gout? Not any more. Within one half hour, it is gone NEVER to return. Finally, they have a cure for the common cold! This Heaven-sent medicine is doctor recommended.

Of course, like all medications today, Envenom 6 comes with a few warnings. Before use, ask your doctor if you have a normal digestive system, no problem with urination, no diseases, and no pain.

Envenom 6 is not recommended for women between the ages of 16 and 95, or men between 19 and 90. Side effects include: liver disease, cancer, kidney failure, severe rashes, difficulty breathing, constipation, hair loss, hemorrhaging, severe vomiting, decreased blood cell counts, hair loss, mouth sores, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness (including daytime drowsiness), "drugged" feeling, dry mouth, headache, nausea, nose or throat irritation, sluggishness, stomach upset, and muscular weakness.

In rare cases, humans have developed canine distemper and hoof and mouth disease, but only when taken during dog shows or when visiting Kentucky.

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur when using Envenom 6:

Severe allergic reactions, abnormal thinking, behavior changes, chest pain, confusion, decreased coordination, hives, itching that persists for more than one year, difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, swelling of the hands, legs, mouth, face, lips, eyes, throat, or tongue, throat closing, unusual hoarsenes, difficulty swallowing, fainting, fast or irregular heartbeat, hallucinations, memory loss, mental changes, feelings of aggression, agitation, or anxiety), new or worsening depression, severe dizziness, shortness of breath, suicidal thoughts or actions, or serious vision changes.


Women under 60 who experience mood changes should discontinue use immediately. Men experiencing an erection lasting more than six-months should discontinue use in month seven.

Clinical studies have shown that fewer than 30% of Envenom 6 users have experienced amnesia. Fewer than one thousand deaths per month have occurred in users living in extremely cold climates. Hallucination, illusion, leg cramps, nervousness, speech disorder, stupor, tremor, and some tooth loss are normal.

Get your lives back on track today!







19 comments:

  1. You are hilarious as always. I do hope that you made that up. That cannot be serious. Otherwise Captain Obvious is going to have to have to get clued in to this one. I really hate it when they pay people people for stupid. And the good Lord knows you can't fix stupid.

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  2. Robin: Well, yes I did, but the real ones were just as bad!

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  3. Don't you just love the guy at the end of the comercial that rattles off the 3 minute disclaimer in 6 seconds.~Ames

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  4. ha ha ha ha O MY GOD who in there right mind would touch that? i would rather live with all my aliments than touch that with a barge pole. Great post JJ made me smile ;-)) dee

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  5. Ames: You're right! Anyone listening to those commercials would have to be nuts to take that stuff with all the possible side effects. I know they must disclaim for legal purposes, but how is the consumer to know what is real and what is not?

    Dee: All over TV in the USA we are flooded with these medical commercials, and the consumer has no clue what they are really all about.

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  6. Haha! That's a good one. I'm with you on paracetamol/aspirin etc. - I figure if you've got a headache that's a message to take it easy and stop doing something, not numb yourself from the inconvenient pain and carry-on doing whatever it was that caused the headache!

    People are just too reliant on "quick-fixes" nowadays.

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  7. As with most things, I prefer moderation. With medication I lean way more to the 'don't use unless absolutely necessary'. I have found some herbals that I like, but sometimes my severe allergies and asthma do require some western medicine. I too can never get over the disclaimers at the end of these drug commercials and I have noticed that those who start on one med. often need more just to counteract side effects. I take that as a hint that I don't need this stuff. And why do we need commercials to try to get us to take this stuff? If we really had a problem I think we'd be looking for answers ourselves without having to be advertised to!

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  8. So funny! I, too, marvel at these ads with all the side effects read at lightning speed or woven into a friendly discussion. What you are seeing, of course, is the advertising folks battling with the lawyers. When I was an in house lawyer for a big corporation, we got to preview all the TV ads before release. Fortunately, we had a great ad firm and the commercials were hilarious (and legally safe). That was one of the best parts of the job.

    But you are right--after listening to the litany of side effects, I have yet to see an ad for any medication that makes me want to call my doctor for a prescription!

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  9. Now you have me smiling and dancing at the same time!! Love your choice of music as much as the posts JJ!

    :)

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  10. Ha ha! SO many people believe medication is the answer when the real cure is to eat healing fresh fruits and vegetables along with exercize. Miriam@Meatless Meals For Meat Eaters

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  11. I agree with all of you! In my opinion, it all boils down to what Miriam said: "So many people believe medication is the answer when the real cure is to eat healing fresh fruits and vegetables along with exercize." Of course, just eating healthy does not mean we are not vulnerable to disease, but it helps. It sure beats the heck out of taking drugs with serious side effects.

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  12. Yikes. That's some scary sounding stuff.

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  13. KB: Yeah. We have a zillion ads like this every day. The general public has no idea whether to suffer with the ailments or take a chance with the cure - which could be worse!

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  14. You forgot to mention anal itching as one of the symptoms.

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  15. Oh my goodness JJ, I needed a good laugh today. You've put a smile on my face from ear to ear. I'm thinking it might be safer to go drink some acid instead of taking this miracle FDA approved cure!! How rediculous!
    A 6 month erection you say!! Lordy lordy lordy!!
    Imagine the problems that would come with that!!
    LoL!!

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  16. I always laugh at the drug ads too. They praise the drug then list all the side effects. Crazy, crazy.

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  17. Judie: They cured that problem, enabling most to get back on track!

    Katherine: No thanks. I have enough problems just being Italian!

    Manzi: It is pathetic. They treat people like cattle. The only thng a rational person can do is laugh!

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  18. I so agree with you...and so glad that my life so far hasn't needed any of these scary things...although why are the vitamin pills getting to be so HUGE...could something be done to make them less like horse pills!

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  19. Karen: Me too. However, even when something minor occurs, they seem to want you to take a chance with experimental medications that carry huge potential side effects.

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