Sunday, October 26, 2014
Hollywood: Chock Full of New Ideas
Do you remember the 1964-1972 classic supernatural sitcom, Bewitched? Well, it’s back in a new NBC TV production. The syndicated series is still extremely popular in Russia, which will have no bearing on the updated production. With the 50th anniversary of the show’s debut upcoming, some re-imaging of the cast will be necessary.
The modern version will focus on the life Daphne, Tabitha’s daughter (Samantha’s granddaughter). Of course, much has changed in two generations. I’m not certain of all the details, but if you thought Samantha used her magical powers to help Darrin with his employment problems, you should probably view the new sitcom with 2014 eyes. Here is my best guess as to the series pilot and its deep plot.
The show must be re-named WeBitched. Daphne will be a twenty-something millennial and the most beautiful girl in the world. We’re talking “inner beauty,” which means a combination of Elizabeth Montgomery and Dick York. She undoubtedly will be a free thinker, which will allow her to sponge off friends, relatives, and anyone willing to cede a handout.
In the pilot, Daphne will try to live a normal life with her soon-to-be spouse, Debbie, but her family will interfere, as families often do. It seems Debbie is an atheist who can’t figure out whether it’s the Christian or Jewish God she doesn’t believe in after studying The Egyptian Book of the Dead in an Ivy League college class she took with a former Weather Underground Wizard. Agnes Moorhead, who remains cast as Endora (because Hollywood can’t think of anyone new), will beam in and out as she casts spells upon Daphne’s lifestyle.
Fortunately, just like in real life, someone like Uncle Arthur, (previously played by Paul Lynde and now played by Vladimir Putin), will come to her rescue with a fresh idea. The plan: Drain Tabatha’s bank account under the guise of going back to school and re-locate to the Ukraine without telling the family. There, she will wiggle her nose and bring universal health care to the Ukraine. Unfortunately, her appreciative admirers will refer to her as a Czaress, at which time the highly insulted gender sensitive Daphne will return home to the open arms of her family so happy to see her they will buy her lots of things to help her with her non-materialistic vision of life.
I predict, like magic, the new sitcom will last several weeks until CBS airs The New Murphy Brown Show.
“God bless us, everyone!” Timothy Cratchit
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