Monday, October 20, 2014
What, Me Worry?
I find myself searching for daylight in my new world. I am learning to feel my way through. Whenever I travel to a foreign land, I always respect the host people and their customs, even if they appear odd or wrong to me. Drinking ale at a German airport at 7:00 a.m. is not the worst thing that ever happened to mankind. Bullfights in Madrid are traditions that span a millennium, and I have no right to protest the Spanish custom. I simply avoid contests with Nature. Now, I find myself a stranger in this unusual land called America, and it has become necessary for me to begin the process of changing my approach to this strange new world. I am beginning the mandatory mental re-location to the United States in order that I might maintain what little sanity I have left.
Alfred E. Neuman would suggest I chill out, so I will. I am old enough to remember when Bruce Jenner was an American hero. Certainly, I should not give it a second thought if he soon becomes a heroine. Change is healthy. It does not make sense to me that high school students ask their teachers if the Roman Empire came before or after 1972 or whether WWI came before or after WWII, but that is insignificant. History is a waste of time because it has already happened, and everyone has a right not to learn about our heritage. Anyway, that knowledge is borderline ethnocentric and racist.
I smell national implosion, but I paid my dues, so I suppose it is no longer up to me. This coming generation is carrying on the fight to take what is theirs without working for it, and I should not stand in the way. I am ready to fish, take canoe trips, and travel to foreign countries like California. I promise to respect all traditions and customs, until they disappear.
I thought I would list a few of my random thoughts. Hopefully, you will comment and enlighten me as I begin wandering through Utopia with 50% of the citizens of our new and improved home land:
1. As a child, I remember seeing a picture of Bob Mathias, a two-time Olympic champion in the decathlon, on a Wheaties box. Athletes like Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan later followed suit. Three days ago, former Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, appeared on the new Wheaties box. The cereal company reports "On the 21st century, there's a new transformation taking place. With the rise of Internet and millennial culture, the very definition of the word ‘champion’” is changing. Do I care? Not at all. I ate my Breakfast of Champions this morning satisfied with the knowledge that my children’s children will all win first-place trophies.
2. Never-before-seen nude photos of Brooke Burke apparently went on display at a Manhattan art gallery Thursday night. I would probably get excited about it if I knew who she was and what she did. I do remember getting smacked in the head by a ruler-wielding teacher in the eighth grade for mentioning bra in the presence of Patricia Martucci. Sorry, Patti. It could be worse someday.
3. The near-extinct White Rhinoceros just lost another member. There are six left on the planet, and only one male. The species has an ecological role, but who cares? Not me. I’m not sure what the Chinese will be able to sell tourists once the rhino horns are gone, but I'm certain we will send them whatever we produce in the USA to stabilize their economy. I’m going fly fishing for rare species of trout.
4. The Mexican government has posted a reward of $111,000.00 to anyone with information about missing Mexican college students. I have no proof, but there is a rumor that American federal authorities are holding them in jail after they inadvertently crossed the U.S. border by car and were said to be in possession of a Mitt Romney poster.
5. The Environmental Protection Agency is a good thing. It impedes the process of U.S. coal production because coal contains impurities that pollute the air. This makes sense to me for a variety of reasons. First, Americans should not be so arrogant as to squash the dreams of Indian, Chinese, and Russian governments by cutting into their global rights to pollute. We don’t always have to be number one. And look how we are respected across the globe for assuring our brother nations in the world community that our children will not surpass them in science and reading as they develop. It makes sense to me. America is greater than the Roman Empire. That ancient civilization afforded their gladiators the rights to a “clean kill.” Should we do less for the millions of human beings who die every year in Third World nations because they have no fuel but animal dung to burn?
Those are just a few random thoughts. I have many others, but I am preparing for a canoe trip in the morning. I might even throw a plastic cup into a pristine river just for fun. Who cares?
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