Philosophical Thimblese


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Philosophical Thimblese

I am happily married for quite some time, and I am constantly told by friends and family members that I am simply fortunate.

I choose to believe my wife and I worked at it together, and I do not believe in luck. The problem, according to so many people, is the concept of commitment. So I pose the following question:

What exactly is commitment in a relationship, and how is it defined? 

Maybe I’ll learn something.

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Comments

  1. For me its having a mutual understanding w/another.. Similar politics, humor, ability to listen, ability to not make things conditional... With my last relationship I did not need that piece of paper to legalize a commitment I felt already... I would of gladly lived w/my husband w/out a piece of paper... Commitment is having trust, not being afraid that the other will stray w/out that piece of paper... I find it funny that the ones who have that piece of paper may still end up divorcing.. Looks like that piece of paper didn't mean anything.. I do know both have to work at the relationship- to keep it exciting, alive... it shouldn't be left to just one person...

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  2. KBF: I absolutely agree. I think many disagree, however. I am not sure why, but I think it's because they were hurt and lost faith and trust in others.

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  3. Commitment includes but is not limited to seeing the best in your situation and each other. Making a *habit* of doing so.

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  4. For me, commitment means sticking it out when the times are tough- the whole while knowing in your heart of hearts that the tough times won't last but the love always will. Commitment is putting a lot more 'weight' on the good and not worrying so much about the bad. It makes it so much easier to face whatever you need to when someone is right there with you.

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  5. @Suze: you are absolutely right!. I know a few that can't seem to do that.

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  6. Tolerance, respect other's space, solidarity, complicity and turn the difficulties into positive challenges.

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  7. To commit one's self means to absolutely try your very best to make it work, and never give up, just keep trying. That is being commited, to me.
    So many people find faults in their husband or wife and can't seem to forgive them for being imperfect. How about rejoicing in our differences, and even learning to treasure them? My husband and I are very different in many ways but two very important qualities that we share is that we are both willing to improve for the other as well as love the other, just as they are. Thus, we are committed to eachother, actively trying to make it work (sure is fun too :).
    Miriam@Meatless Meals For Meat Eaters

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  8. Having never been able to sustain a relationship over decades, I am not the one to answer this question. My sister has been married over 50 years, and I have marveled at her level of commitment, which mirrors much of what I see in your post and the comments. For me, at some point years ago, I understood that this type of relationship was not part of my path in this lifetime. I've made a different sort of commitment to staying on my own, which had led to much contentment and peace for me. I live other commitments, to my children, my friends, my faith. Congratulations to you and others who live commitment in your relationships with your spouses/significant others.

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  9. Suze: I like that.

    'Yellow Rose' Jasmine: I agree. People spat, then break up.

    FanaticoUm: I believe those are all necessary components.

    Miriam: I knew I liked you for a reason.

    Galen: I strongly believe there is no "fault" in not sustaining a long-term relationship, but I do ponder why some who have the chance to do so make it work, while others never try. There are also relationships other than marriage commitments.

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  10. Hmm. I am married 16 years this August and I think we are still such babies- this is the sort of thing you ask my 80 something grandparents and they look at you and say something like " I can't imagine life without them". I watched my Mom who was 35 when my dad died and I swore I would never be in that position. So I believe in luck, because my husband took on the challenge. Something shifted at some point in our marriage and I'm not sure how to define it. I think that I believe as a parent I owe that child that I brought into my life, and at some point I began to feel that as a wife I owed that man I let into my life. It took me pushing aside popular cultures question " yes, but what are you doing for you?" do you ask what your kids are doing for you? And when I got to that place, it became suddenly easy to see what he was doing "for me"

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  11. Rod and I have been married for 25 years. To be honest, it has not consistently been a bed or roses, but it has not been the war of the roses either. I believe that if one takes the marriage vows seriously, there is nothing that cannot be overcome with honesty, respect, and patience. Sometimes, I think people give up too quickly because they don't want to take the time to work things out. That is sad, because life is so much shorter than one thinks when one is young. In my own life, I see the days and years speeding by, and we want to make the best of the time we have left.

    Plus, sleeping with your dogs is such a comfort. I just thought I would throw that in, because I keep telling myself that every night.

    JJ, the title of the post I wanted you to read is "Words, And An Early Death." The rest of you are welcome to read it, too.

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  12. To me, a commitment is a promise and in my generation, a promise was never broken. When we gave our word to uphold something, it was honored for a lifetime. Doesn't seem to mean the same thing now.
    Manzanita@Wannabuyaduck

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  13. I would like to share a piece of advice that was given to my husband and I on our wedding day and it's a piece of advice I have always taken heed of and that is "Never let the sun go down on a fight"... I've been married to my husband now for 24 years and I feel that our love endures because of the trust we hold for each other & the respect we show eachother. We always make time to laugh and play, we recognise eachothers right to a different opinion and respect & support eachothers personal goals and of course keep the romance candle lit. Anything worth having is worth working & fighting for.

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  14. Hmmmmm--Anonymous sounds like he might be a little constipated.

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  15. CailinMarie: I have never asked what my children, or my wife, are doing for me.

    Judie: I notice that many people are commenting on how respect is an important quality. It goes hand-in-hand with commitment. (Also, you are a nice lady and should not have been exposed to the moronic rant. I deleted it).

    Manzi: Does to me.

    Kath: There is that word again - "respect." It seems to be a key.

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  16. Anything workwhile needs to be worked at, there's no luck involved. Thanks for stopping by, we haven't been blogging much lately due to flu. Should be back into it this weekend :)

    KB

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  17. I'm 12 years into my second marriage.

    Respect and kindness play an important role in our marriage. For me, I re-choose my husband every single morning. Sounds silly, but on the crabby, not great days, I've always reminded myself of what a strong marriage we have.

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  18. KB and Whitesnake: Thank you. Get well soon.

    Jenny: Interesting. I like that.

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  19. JJ, Anonymous definitely has some serious self-esteem issues, as well as a foul mouth. I'm glad you deleted that sick comment.

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  20. Judie: Self-esteem, indeed. If you would like to know what I really think, ask me when we meet again.

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  21. Hi, JJ. Popping round again to let you know I've invited you to participate in a blogging game on today's post, if you'd like.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

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  22. Suze: I'll check it out. Your blog is always interesting.

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  23. For Hubs and myself it's been 27.5 five years of putting our best efforts into it. And then there's the fact that we're all we have now that the four daughters have grown up! Committment is a conscious decision to devote oneself to a relationship and then work at making it all it can be. For us anyway.

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  24. EmptyNester: It's a good plan. At least it worked for us too.

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